tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27888502917122702182024-03-13T13:36:42.440-07:00Prophecy CowProphecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-3412135618862223992016-03-04T15:12:00.000-08:002016-03-04T15:12:19.388-08:00THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT<span style="font-family: inherit;">An inquisitive spirit is concerned for the future of their lineage, perhaps even for that of humanity. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>Given the preposterous evolutionary leaps that brought us from single-celled eukaryotes to the complex organisms that we are today, what kind of bad ass super powers can I expect my grandchildren to be born with?</i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">We assure you, things will be different in the future. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Quite different.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your grandchildren will be born with incredibly long toes. </span><br />
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You may be tempted to believe that these toes will be adaptive in some way, making life easier for your grandchildren. This belief would be wrong. Natural selection does not act in two generations. Your grandchildren will be considered freaks and it will take them a long time to accept themselves for who they are. </span></span><div>
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fortunately, regardless of your grandchildren's toe lengths, the Dairy Spirit will be with them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Prophecy Cow has spoken.</span></span></div>
Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-15596561150522653942015-05-25T18:13:00.000-07:002015-10-22T08:51:28.422-07:00TAKE IT ONE PAGE AT A TIMEA soul asked us a question full of doubt:<br />
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<i>Will the day ever come when I will finish my pile of books I keep meaning to read?</i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-style: normal; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;">Do not fret, friend. You will get through the pile of books. </span><br />
Just take it one page at a time.</div>
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With perseverance, you will succeed.</div>
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<i>Prophecy cow has spoken.</i></div>
Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-52021285080066175712015-04-15T18:05:00.000-07:002015-10-22T08:51:50.132-07:00YOU WILL FLY<div>
Dear Caitlin,<br />
You did not ask for a prophecy, but the Dairy Spirit compels me to provide you with one anyway. Tomorrow you will embark on an adventure. You will fly through the air.
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<span style="font-style: normal; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt;">During the flight, you will sleep. However, something will happen, which will not be ideal. You will lean to the side, on your neighbor and drool on their arm. They will not be pleased.</span><br />
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Have a good trip.</div>
<i>Prophecy Cow has spoken.</i>
Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-53702052421949955992015-04-07T18:03:00.000-07:002015-10-22T08:52:02.892-07:00WILL LIZ BE ALONE FOREVER?We received an important question today. A friend seemed concerned for a lost soul.
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<i>Will Liz be alone forever?</i></blockquote>
We understand that you are concerned for your friend and their apparent loneliness, but worry not. First, they have you. But, more importantly, the Dairy Spirit is with everyone. Your friend Liz will never be alone.<br />
Ever.<br />
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<i>Prophecy cow has spoken.</i></div>
Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-39855557426576314922015-03-21T18:02:00.000-07:002015-10-22T08:52:14.878-07:00COX<div class="blog-content">
We received this question, which leaves us somewhat insulted.<br />
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<i>Dear Prophecy Cox,<br />
When the cowpocolypse happens and Moocifer comes to the pasture for the final milking, will the great cheese reach its expiration date?</i></blockquote>
Not only has the asker misspelled the name of Prophecy Cow but they have elevated themselves to a place of teller of stories. Only the Fable Goat tells stories. The asker should bow before the Prophetic Udder of Prophecy Cow and grovel in apology. The asker will know that they have been forgiven when they receive the Poop of Forgiveness on their head.
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<i>Prophecy cow has spoken.</i></div>
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Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2788850291712270218.post-68538566573829754792015-03-20T21:28:00.000-07:002015-10-22T08:52:23.943-07:00WHAT IS COW?Prophecy cow received a strange question today. <br />
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<i>What is cow?</i></blockquote>
We will ignore for the time being the grammatical error in this question. Surely, the asker meant to ask, "what is a cow?"
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Someone once said that there are no bad questions. They were wrong. Prophecy cow deals in prophecies, which occur in the future. Although prophecy cow recommends living in the present, prophecy cow does not answer questions about the present. For questions about the present, consult Google.
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Perhaps the asker meant, "what will cows be like in the future?". THIS we can answer.<br />
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In the future cows will be in space, along with their human companions. Because they will be in space, their legs will lose function and will become merely decorative. Their bone structure, more generally will become redundant and their bodies will be nearly spherical. Their skin and orifices will become space-proof and they will direct themselves through the cosmos through jet-propulsion, also known as farts and burps.<br />
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<i>Prophecy cow has spoken.</i>Prophecy Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15452392332506072471noreply@blogger.com0